CreativeIndigoRamblings's Xanga

My Every Few Months Update

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:09:13 GMT

Lately life is really busy, I sometimes come home from work so tired and with so many household things to do that I never seem to be able to write anymore and this greatly upsets me. Writing is so much a part of who I am. Good things come of writing and there is so much I wish to accomplish now, simply working has never ever been enough for me. So, even though no one is reading really LOL .. I am going to write about my life in general and how it has changed. Writing for me has always been a healing thing, a way of letting things go and allowing things that bother me to not build and fester and become deep seated. I have always been able to write since I was a young child and for that I am so grateful.

I do have to be getting off to work and I have plans to come back later today and write some more ... lately life just finds me so busy..and so it is with everyone else in the world around me lately - the energies are accelerating and its getting crazy and at times it is just enough to be able to hold on ...

Well off the to work carousel for now ... I am blessed to have a job I actually like - even if the conditions are not so good ... LOL You can have it all .. you simply need to find it - I am halfway there ...

xooxo c xoxoxoxooo

Ahhhhh Yes Saturday

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:48:40 GMT

I took yesterday off, even though I did not do all I had planned it was a slice of heaven :)Now back to the Indigo train.

Over a year ago , I began a project with someone and it just did not work out and it was a big dissapointment to me because I felt so happy doing it. I was working with people who wanted to help the younger generations of children . Many label these children the Indigo children and now there are other catergories such as Crystals, Octarines ... necatarines .. LOL Kidding !! Well about the nectarines anyhow ..

I also in the process discovered that I fit the bill for being an adult indigo .. or as I call myself now an Elder. There have always been seers and oracles and spellweavers and healers etc. There simply seem to be more of them in the past few decades.

I also happen to think that ALL children are amazing and special. I have seen children who are extraordinarily talented never learn to thrive because they have no support from parents or family and those around them. I have always said that children need good teachers to step into their lives and to not be afraid to guide them, that is just plain common sense.

I have seen children who are supposed to be Indigo children act like The most spoiled and obnoxious people because they were just told too many times how special they are and how much smarter they are than those people already here ..

Uhm Hello !!! Not true.. more than ever before the youngsters coming in need to learn more self discipline and think more on their feet and resist who would brainwash them with sexually overtoned videos and music and a spend spend spend mentality that makes Imelda Marcos come off like a happy little miser hoarding shoes instead of gold ! LOL ...

I am also somewhat of a traditionalist in that when I need to calm down and cool off and reconnect with self, I turn to nature. Nothing soothes my spirit more than putting my bare feet in the cool water of spring. I carry my camera where ever I go and I know with each snapshot I take there is the possibility of something wonderful showing up later on that I can work with for years to come. Most of the children these days are not taught that. They are instead taught cell phones, video games, soccer league, softball league and what toy they can cajole their parent into buying them ( and I am just as guilty as other parents, before my awakening I was awful at spoiling my own child )

But back to the Indigo's - DO I believe ..Yes I do .. am I skeptical .. well yes I can be. I think my whole forray into that world to begin with was to have my eyes opened very widely to the possibilities of exploitation. There is a lot of room for exploitation simply because every parent would love to believe that their child is special and unusual in a brilliant way.

I suppose I could be different than some spirtualist's if only because while I am extremely creative and musically talented and able to feel things to a very deep degree more than others might feel them. I was also immersed in the left brained aspect of medicine for years. I was married to a doctor and I learned alot about the absolute irrefutable proof that Doctors need in order to attempt to cure or help someone with a disease, whether it be chronic, terminal. or otherwise.

One of the other great occurances that took place while I was stepping over the hurdles place in my path was the fact that I studied some of my healing at a center that fosters the ideal that Scientific Medicine needs to meet the other avenues of Alternative healing. Working together people may be healed in a healthier way and in a more caring and loving way. There is also the knowledge that is out there that our Medical Doctors, most of them do not know about Eneregtic Meridians and Chakras and Energy Fields etc.

So where am I going with ALL of this.....

I do believe there is something to the youngsters coming into the world today. One only needs to observe the way they figure out how to set up a new fangled DVR or zip through computer software set ups, or write technically and artistically brilliant video games - let alone play them AND solve them. \

God, Source, Spirit, the Universe, Our Higher Self... whatever it is that holds all of this together and perpetuates the moving along and progression of humans here on this particular planet.. in IT'S infinate wisdom understands that those being born really need to be able to cope with ALL that is coming.

I also firmly believe that not all Indigos are 'perfect'. Working with the young adults with severe mental and physical disabilities as I have been, I am seeing just how much they are teaching me. I am learning volumes from them. I have learned how just doing very little puts a smile on their face that melts your heart. I have learned so much about compassion and caring for someone who simply cannot help themself. I have learned that youngsters and oldsters for that matter need not look special or act special or be 'brilliant' enough to be able to design a video game to be amazingly beautiful beings.

I have learned that we as a generation of healers and teachers and elders have SO much more to learn.... the learning Never ends. Since I love to learn, for me that injects my being with The ultimate joy ...

i sometime cross back and forth on an idea.. that is simply me searching for and finally coming to my own conclusions, and that is surely the sign of an Indigo as well as any adventurous child. Sometimes I think we need to just toss the labels and love all children because they are amazing and special.

Happy Weekend !!!!xoxoxoxoxoxxoo

Hopping Back on the Indigo Train

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:20:03 GMT

LOL, well a quick entry because I am off to work... I am hopping back onto the Indigo Express. Sometimes changes of direction come into your life in interesting ways .. I always ask for signs. I have been getting mine :)

While hiking in an amazing nature preserve near me, I was met with many cross paths.. needing to decide which way to go. It being my first time walking in this 350 acre wilderness, I did not want to take a wrong turn, I put my faith in Spirit to lead me where I was to go and I got some beautiful pictures.

One path in particular intrigued me ..as I walked it - It had many obstacles in my way. there were five large fallen trees I had to climb over because I simply wanted to follow that path. It reminded me so much of the last few years of my life and the roads I have taken and all I have learned...

to be continued .....

Ages Since I have Been Here and So much has Changed

Sun, 11 May 2008 12:35:35 GMT

It seems like years and it may be LOL I need to take a look back at my last Blog in :) BUT so much has changed in my life and its as good as it is going to be for now.

I began by working part time and I needed a change for many reasons. I saw an opening in a bigger building where I am working and decided to go for it.

I work with mentally retarded adults. Many of them also have Cerebral Palsy or other Physical challenges and many are autistic and have all forms of challenges going on . They have different levels of functionability, awareness and many have behaviors. Some of them were born 'normal' but illness during childhood or an injury sustained has made them dependant on others for help with their daily living skills. Some of them have Autism, OCD, ADD, many have seizure disorders.

I began in a group home and I loved it, nice women, nice coworkers, beautiful house. My job was to help get the woman off to their Jobs each morning, make sure they ate and were properly attired and help with medication and then drive them to the bus stop. Once they were gone it was my job to see that the house was completely clean and ready for the afternoon shift to come in when the women came home from work. I had to get up at 4 am to be there are 5 am .. those hours just got to me after a while and I also figured ... well if I am working part time, I may as well go full time.

An opening came up in the school and I applied for it and I was accepted. It has been about two months now and I am finally feeling comfortable there. I am still not up on all the names and facts and figures about each person who attends, I have worked mainly in the room where they need the most help, they cannot do anything at all for themselves, and I have learned so much.

The room I work in currently many of the people are in their early 20's. They are totally dependant on us for every facet of their existance while they are in our care and we take care of them very lovingly. I can tell you I have learned SO much about LOVE while in their presence. They are just like you and me, they have good days and bad. Some days they are not feeling well or are in a lousy mood and act out. Sometimes things are going on in their home life that spells behaviors at school during the day Just like us they have their daily list of things to achieve and get done, they just need help to get them done .:)

Now having worked for years with Indigos and budding Crystals etc. Seeing the best and the worst there was surrounding me at the time I have to tell you that the things I have learned while working with these people FAR surpasses anything I have learned while working with an Indigo. I was involved with another woman building a place of healing and learning for the Indigo children and adults and I was very eager to get it going, only to be dissapointed in her and almost the entire movement. Long story short...it was a show me the money operation with an Oh Yeah we can help these people on the side .. all that being said, when it was over and dead for me ... I was sort of 'stuck' searching for a direction, feeling a bit lost. Then my daughter began to work for this company and then her boyfriend and then when I saw how much she loved it, I began working there also.

I quickly learned that everything I had practiced at, learned, performed, healed etc .. all had led me up to this point ......

I will explain in my next entry which will probably be tonight - or at least I pray so because who knows if not tonight LOL .....It is Mothers Day and I am about to go and honor my mother and my father and my daughter and my son :) ...

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxo carolyn xoxoxooxooxox

Floating in the Light :)

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 14:31:31 GMT

Yep its been a small eternity since I have been here .. I suppose I was going through one hell of a transtional journey ...it lasted longer than I thought it would .. its been a hell of a ride ...

I say I am floating in the light because I am just bouncing along at present, working, growing, adjusting, struggling, learning alot ! ... making new aquaintances here online ..etc.

I have less time to ponder now and find I waste some time searching in the light for my answers... when what I should be doing is - simplifying - settling down, not questioning ( nah ! not likely that for me lol )

I make sure I feed my artistic side .. I learned how to soul paint via a wonderful friend I love to visit and do not visit enough .... I am learning EFT .. and Magnified Healing. I am taking pictures and getting ideas .. I am beading .. and I am working part time... sometimes full time ...often times frustrated enough to just vegetate for days .. not good .. I am working on that one .. it is all in the process ..

Okay so what the hell is she saying .. you are asking yourself !! .. She is saying - I am saying l. I am still here floating in the light and as lightly as I can ... I will be sharing some of the stuff I have come across and I am shedding those groups and places that no longer suit me .. I am learning to choose in a better way what is good FOR ME... and that is something sort of new..

I turned 50 this fall .. 50 .. half a century !.. I still feel young although my body does protesteth that remark... but I am working on that also .. and going to revamp my personal web space....I am going to gear my Firewalker page differently .. and talk about myself more Here..

I am no longer convinced of all the Indigo ideals .. .and that is okay .. because if I would be catagorized at all .. let this be one of the places... for now :) ...

see you all soon .....

Love and Light and Happiness .. and Living MORE in the MOMENT !!

Carolyn :) :) :)

Learning to Dance in the Light :)

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 20:00:58 GMT

Hello all ....

After having spent the last two weeks or so .. soul searching and on a
personal truth quest and digging for answers .. I have come to some
conclusions that I felt compelled to share ..and I pray no one minds ..
well here goes ...

I watched the Secret when it was all the rage and I evenordered it, but something just was wrong .. I was thinking at that time - Ihave been doing all this for years and all I have been faced with is turmoil.. a divorce not of my own choosing, many financial difficulties again .. not of my creation .. but of being thrust into single motherhood totally unprepared. A huge change in lifestyle and a child with a life threatening disease.Having to sell my beautiful home that I loved so much and thought I would have my Grandchildren visit me in which broke a piece of my heart

Moving and being persecuted by new neighbors, having what I term my nervous breakdown from the persecution developing a life threatening disease of my own and being sick for years despite practicing all the new age practices.

Thinking that it was ALL my fault - I must have manifested it all .. that I must have created it all.. that it was all my own fault.. what the hell was wrong with
me .....

Through it all I know a wonderful woman who said .. She did not believe in the manifestation and creating your own reality. She did not believe we create our own illness .. and I began to forgive myself and just enjoy each day as it comes and enjoy the beauty and love I have in my life. Making my realizations that SO many in the New Age community are simply excellent sales people pushing their wares without regard for others financial situations,personal problems or even possible health issues or mental or physical issues....

Buy this book .. take this seminar and the people follow like sheeple, thinking
that if hey just " Get It ! " they will create for themselves a wonderful
reality and oh with lots of money .. the American dream .. buy this car .. buy this McMansion .. buy this huge television and be brainwashed to hell
and back and keep buying and searching for the magical formula that will make thebreakthrough for them .. I know I have been there ...

SO now I am learning that I am a living breathing big chess piece on
a life sized board who constantly has hurdles placed in my way because of
who I am, a magnificent creation of God. After a totally grueling week of
drama and doodie storms swirling around all around me and me keeping my peaceinside and just doing and saying what I have to .. My intution and knowing get the words ..

Just keep dodging the bullets

No truer words have ever been said in my life . I am not being
negative at all, simply honest .. the past 9 years I have felt like the poor
soul in an old cowboy movie who has some nut shooting at his feet- shouting ..Dance Fool Dance or the lead character in that movie titled .. I Am Dancing as Fast As I Can

SO while I do know that there is a large part of our reality we do
createsuch as I never engage in gossip .. I am never intentionally cruel
to anyone else .. I love and embrace all the people in my life .. unless they
begin to feed off my energy - then I lovingly detach.. I face each day at
work with a smile and a song and I sing to my clients and I am happy and get
their days off to a good a start as possible .. I help those in need unless they
are takers I create love and caring and goodness .. but I have found there is so much to the equation where it is out of my ability to create it .

My best advice to anyone who considers themselves an Ex New Ager
lol Or an Ex Indigo ..is to just be as happy as you can .. smile all the time
no matter what, if you are down and out, give yourselves five minutes to be
down and out and then smile and laugh about it .. because if not .. some
negative energy will stick a straw in your backside and have dinner on you and your sadness and your loosh energy.....then you will really have to start
dodging the bullets.
BUT the happier you are, the lighter you become on your
feet and you can dance without the bullets zipping your way .. and you learn to just enjoy a beautiful sunset .. or petting a stray cat .. or blowing bubbles
in the breeze....... sleeping in a hammock under a shade tree...collecting
shells on the beach a walk in the woods, Coloring in a fuzzy poster like
you are seven years old and hanging it on your kitchen wall proudly !!
You are limited only by your imagination ..

Happy is as Happy does .. the sun does shine in my mind on all my days
....
love and hugs xoxoxo c xoxooxooo

Indigo Scmindigo .... I am not really an Indigo

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 21:24:21 GMT

Well having made the decision to really mull the Indigo question over .. Ahh the workings of the Scorpio with Virgo rising mind ... I have decided .... drum roll .... I am simply an Elder ...

There thats it .. I am not going to change the name of my blabber blog .. but I DO feel that the seperation between people has become just too insane ... just totally crazy and a bit out of control ..

I have witnessed over the past year and a half a lot of nonsense in the Indigo Realms. Reading the boards is sad because you have Indigos quibbling with one another over stuff that is of so little importance really... Yes there is much to be learned .. but there are far too many self proclaimed know it alls for my personal tastes...

Most recently the whole Fire the Grid .... Don't Fire the Grid drama resulted in people who should be joined together for a common cause .. to help all of mankind unite together to heal our earth mother and each other ... resulted in people having falling outs .. snarcasm.... infighting....finger pointing .... etc.. The simple fact is ..if we each do our part every day... we don't need to unite via a special day time or place .... just spread love with each daily action .. that is enough ...

For the record .. I chose NOT to engage .. simply because it did not feel correct... I question how a woman who is a self proclaimed athiest ... can go and spread the word, while saying she is not sure she is a believer .. yet experienced the miracles. I did not feel any love from the woman, I felt confusion and fear and almost regret. In my most humble opinion .. when you experience a healing or a miracle .. there is NO question .. you simply KNOW

I suspect that those beings who fed off that discordonant energy had a field day with most of us .... I ask you - how does it feel to have the life sucked out of you ....

I also follow the beat of my own inner drum .. I have never been a follower .. I always question .. I always do my own digging .... I have been sort of a loner most of my life .. on a quest for TRUTH

With each day that passes I find more of it ...

SO I leave the Indigo Moniker behind .. and embrace the fact that I was born with gifts that in my path I decided to further develop .. and got very gifted at some of them .. and along the way I have been able to help others who joined me in the dance ...

I have come to really embrace the planet and become her champion, loving her animals and celebrating her beauty through photography and writings . which I will always continue to do ...

I help those around me who need help within reason .. I no longer allow people to consume me and take over my every waking thought .. I practice the fine art of loving detachment .. and putting my self first .. I have sent the would be vampires back to the streets to search for other prey ...

I have a nice part time job now .. that although it kills my back LOL .. I love who I am working with .. I know without any doubts .. that I and the people I work with are most certainly doing God's work ...

Instead of attempting to beat an ideal or standard into someone's head .. I teach by the example I set and I am mindful to set that example as much as I can every day of my life...

SO the Indigo Train was an interesting ride, I witnessed some interesting information and I also wore very high boots and waded through some major league bull shit ..

and I am still standing ....

Love and Hugs xoxooxooxoxo c xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

- ex Indigo ..... simply ELDER ... and not too shabby !

Something to Watch ...

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:29:54 GMT

I came across an interesting movie on google video .. if you do nothing else on some rainy day .. at least give this movie a watching .. it is something everyone should see and then for their own opinions about ...

The name of the movie is Zeitgeist... look for it and put 90 minutes aside to really pay attention .. interesting .. and eye opening and informative ..

Love to ALL xoxoxo c xoxoxoxoxxoo

Well I am Working...

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 19:57:31 GMT

....and I pray it goes well .. I do not have enough hours so once I am settled into this I will have to either get more hours at this job OR get a second part time job... I am leaning at the moment getting something else that is not tiring and mindless .. something where I can go home and take a nap before going to the second job..something where I can sit in the sun and get healthy for a bit and also something where I am sort of on my own ..

Being an empath and holding any job is a chore .. there is so much to it .. Because at times I feel so much of what those around me feel .. I run low on energy sometimes .. and I have to be Oh so mindful of the ever present energy vampires who would just wipe me out ..

One of the best books out there that I have read is one by Judith Orloff ..it is called 'Positive Energy' . I have been a fan of hers for years and I also love her audio collections. She has a soothing kind of voice that you feel like you are listening to a good friend :) ...

Judith is a Psychologist, totally 'left brain trained ' LOL who also is a psychic and empath, so she can relate to the many people who wind up feeling things of others that they are not really feeling ..

Not that anyone reads LOL .. but I will add more later on ...

xoxoxo c xoxoxooxoxo

Friday, June 08, 2007

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 17:29:30 GMT